this morning my friend (wilhelm) was in the whole foods market on south street. if you have been there you know that there are two bathrooms in between the freezer sections and across from the pasta and house-wares sections. maybe you have enjoyed the familiar experience of grabbing the first door handle, attempting a turn, and finding it locked, turning the other one and finding it also locked. and these doors seem to stay in the locked position for no less than twenty minutes a piece. as the minutes tick away you convince yourself they must have been locked by the employees, as no man alive could be taking this long.
so my friend is waiting and waiting and waiting when an elderly gentleman approaches and begins violently twisting both door handles. he turns to my friend and says: goddammit! are these both locked! and my friend says, yes they are. they are both in use. the senior citizen stops, thinks and begins pounding wildly on the doors, beating at them as if with a hammer, screaming: get the fuck out of there! get the FUCK out you sonofabitch! you son! of! a! Bitch!!!! the toilets then begin to flush hurriedly and an equally elderly man exits the bathroom on the left. mind you, both of these fine citizens are eighty+. he walks up to the man who'd just beaten down the door, gets right in his face and says: what the FUCK is your problem. then, without answering, the man pushes past him and into the bathroom, slamming the door, leaving my friend to continue waiting patiently.